Dear Johnny,
I’m writing this as a dedication of my love and support for your dear soul. I knew you were special the moment I saw you, and the scent of your body has done nothing but confirm this for me after all of these years. Thank you so much for the special messages and gifts that are secrets between us. I have advanced myself to another level due to knowing you. I apologize for my lack of ability to fully grasp the technology that has brought us together, yet kept us dangerously apart. I feel an ache in my soul for you and wish that we could be together and would show up to see you in person with no underpants in the airport, because that’s how much I love you. If there are seven deadly sins, you are my eighth, and I eat pork with a knife and fork in your honor. There is no other way to say how much I care for you. There is no other way to express my gratitude for your attitude of pure devotion to my taint. You are the lottery that I have won, the love of my life, and I want to be your ever devoted wife. If there is a story that is ours to tell, I would even enter the depths of hell to be by your side. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, even if I shart and soil my draws, because I would not hold that against you either, even if you ate a mountain of hog’s head cheese that caused such an epic colonic explosion. You and me can go viral as the Bonnie and Clyde of the dumpsterfire known as Kennah Bruh, and we will have ZERO ragrets! I put the lotion on its skin to moisten the taste of my tongue on your ballsack and whet my appetite for love. Johnny, you are my everything and only the thing that I want to eat with hot sauce on a beach in Italy. I would toss your salad raw if you’d let me. I know you will. I won’t give up on my dedication to your strict routing options. My needs are unnatural, but I truly believe you can fulfil them immediately.
Yours forever and always,
Sidnee’ <3